Doctor Who Files: The Macra

Fact File

A girl, on her own. There is nothing else in this image.

Planet of Origin: Nowhere. There are no such thing as Macra.

Time period of origin: Never. Macra do not exist.

Attributes: None. There are no such thing as Macra.

Background:

There are no such thing as Macra.

Macra do not exist.

THERE ARE NO SUCH THING AS MACRA.

MACRA DO NOT EXIST.

[Author’s note: the back half of each ‘Doctor Who Files’ book was taken up with a short story featuring the subject of the file. These were later collected in a large hardback volume, on sale for last year’s Christmas gift market. It’s a shame the following never made it, as it would have made great Christmas reading.]

The Boy Whose Parents Disappeared For No Really Good Reason and Probably Never Existed Anyway.

Nothing to see here. Move along.

Tim’s parents worked down the mine. They were very happy in their work.

One day, however, they went to work and never came back.

‘Oh no,’ he told the bereavement counselor. ‘The Macra have taken my parents away, and clawed them to pieces with their nasty giant crab claws.’

The counselor offered him a tissue to wipe his eyes.

‘There are no such thing as Macra,’ the counselor said comfortingly, her hand squeezing his shoulder. ‘Macra do not exist.’

‘But… but…’ Tim said, feeling like the counselor’s grip on his shoulder was about to break something.

‘THERE ARE NO SUCH THING AS MACRA,’ the counselor bellowed at the child. ‘MACRA DO NOT EXIST.’

And quite right too. There are no such thing as Macra. Macra do not exist.

The End.

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3 Comments

  1. Doctor Who Files: The Macra « Roll back… and mix. replied:

    […] they stopped doing the books a year or so back, so it’s probably safe now for me to show you my proposed text for Doctor Who Files: The Macra. For some reason the BBC rejected this as suitable for publication. Can’t think […]

  2. chrisdonia replied:

    It’s like Who written by Robert Anton Wilson (in one of his saner moments) – love it!

  3. markclapham replied:

    Thanks!

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