This game may be getting to me.

I’ve just chewed the end off my stylus while playing Puzzle Quest.

PQ is a great, but deeply evil game. Combining the narrative and levelling up of an RPG with the instant twitch gameplay of a colour-swapping puzzler, it sinks the deep teeth of addiction into your brain and won’t let go.

Initially, this is fun. Wearing, but fun. You perfect your skills, raise your stats until you can defeat most enemies fairly easily. You have entered the zone, where you are brilliant, wrecking opponents and cutting through the game’s quests at quite a pace.

But you are in the zone too long. Playing the game is such an instinctive process that your conscious mind switches off, and you become a joyless zombie player, still addicted but not getting any real fun out of the endless, challenge-free grind of progress through the game.

You start to slip up, your concentration fails because what you’re doing holds little interest. But still you play.

And, after reaching the maximum of level 50, and completing as many quests as you can find, you get to the final hurdle of Lord Bane. And after scores of easy wins, he turns out to be an absolute c**t. Right at the end, freedom from the blasted thing within your grasp, you are trapped, endlessly fighting and re-fighting the same bloody boss again and again. Gaaaargh!

Here’s Lord Bane’s list of spells and abilities:

  • Lord Bane has the power of always winning.
  • Lord Bane has the skill of beating your ass.
  • Lord Bane is your bad dad and will send you to your room.
  • Lord Bane has the ability to teach – his is a curriculum of pain.
  • Lord Bane can drink your tears, mix them with acidic spit, and gob the whole salty, acidic, burning lot back in to your tender tear-stung eyes.
  • Lord Bane works for the BBC. He commissioned Holby Blue.
  • Lord Bane has a life points total of about 1 Banillion. This is not a human number. It is a number so big only Lord Bane knows it. If you use this number in your human maths, your lungs will fall out of your arse.
  • Lord Bane has had all your family, and all your partners too. Lord Bane will frequently remind you of this.
  • Lord Bane will crash your DS at a critical point in the game, like what has just happened to me now.

I don’t like Lord Bane. Hence chewing the stylus.

Mark

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June 3, 2007. Tags: . Uncategorized.

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